she is one step closer to panadols.
you get her drift do you?

you will only understand once everything is over,
when you see her lying on the floor motionless
holding on to what's left with her.
the shine in her eyes is gone, lost forever.
and before you know it, she is already dead,
and is in somewhere so beautiful
....like paradise.

a piece of heaven is all she truly needed.
but that hope is crumbling away slowly..
what's left with her is just a forlorn look
which seems to be silently crying for help.
she is awaiting for an end to her misery,
something that can ride her away to an endless dimension,
of nothing but serenity...

ruined dreams;dashed hopes.



i dont even how i had the idea of writing this.
it just popped up in my head all of the sudden.
i dont think it is good poetry.
but whatever it is, it definitely feels better:D

i hate myself.
when i see the reflection, i dont see me
i see an ugly girl whose tears are falling..alot.

gotta build up an emotion shield around me
just in case....

geez.

is crying everyday normal?
to not sleep a wink every night...izit normal??

i want help;my mouth is sealed
i seek for a Samaritan;where are you?
i tried to run; but it comes back for me..
end the road; it wont be able to follow you then.

stupid write ups.
chey...

today i was mugging...
well not really cos i slept halfway.
im slacking loads behind.

no mood to write
no mood to even make my brain think.
i think my brain is under a huge construction
or a thousand midgets have just went into it and ate it up.
gross that is so morbid.

tata

P.S im not trying to gain attention with all these writings. im just tired?

mood:sombre

i really cant take it.

people expecting me to achieve goals.
people expecting me to be someone i cant recognize in my reflection.

well this year people have been telling me that im falling.
they think i should be doing well.
im not blaming you guys. im kinda happy you all think that i can do it.
and i will study hard for it to maintain this.

but this pressure of being number one is slowly strangling me.
the thought of me just falling to the pit of nowhere is scary.
the thought of losing my grip and control is overwhelming.
i dont even know how to be myself just for once..
im pretending to put one such a fake stupid smile. superficial.
i laugh with another person within me & she is hiding her sorrow in her pathetic heart.
my eyes are losing that shine. darkness is lurking silently.

i know you guys will tell me not to care a hoot of what they think
and just do your best.
but i cant help it is everyone thinks that way.
people tell me i work hard not to impress people
but to for yourself and your pride?
great i dunno what im saying....*@*@#&$#&#*@*

eff....

i know all of these problems cant add up.
they cant be compared with others.
in fact, i should be happy i only have these to worry.
but it just......im just worrying too much yeah?
HAHAHAHA

sometimes when i cry, i think people thought im some crybaby.
maybe i am. but crying is a way to relieve this stress.
crying to oneself is a way to rid all of the pressure.

but nowadays i try to hold back the tears that may just drop any moment.
im learning to be strong.im learning to be someone who will never let anything bring her down.
i want to be somebody who just dont cry and laugh at everything/
and it isnt working. everything is backfiring.
im just bluffing myself, pretending everything's alright
when the truth is....it is not.

yet my heart is assuming and claiming.
and im believing it. i dowan to face the music.
dowan to be in a place so cold...with nothing to hold on.
i feel that im alone to face these upcoming...hmm..adversities?

but i gotta try. i gotta be on my two feet.
i will never ever give in to this shitty stress

geez. said it too easy?
but do i have a choice?
nope i dont. i just have to strengthen my inner self.

heys heys.
i have been too lazy to post.
including now.but just writing bits of my day just to make the post nicer.

first floor toilets are officially painted!!
yays. everything looks good:D:D:D
but make sure you people dont dirty it.
i swear i will kill you the minute i see you rubbing your dirty feet over my precious toilet doors.
MUAHAHAHAHA. hear my evil laughter:D

today went for the medical check up.
saw evelyn and shu fen.
it is such a coincidence:D:D:D:D:D

after that my mum and i went to JEC.
yet again i saw the two felicias from art club, zi hui, ru hui and other JVSsian.
hahas. in total, i saw like....10 over JVSsians.
anyways today watched ratatouille.
very nice. the food look so good.
how i wish i could gobble it all down:D:D:D

sighs today i seem so listless.
sighs plue embarrassing....WAHWAH. gotta relax.
dowan continue about it....im turning so red already:(:(:(

here are the pictures:D
TADAAAA. ENJOYYS:D:D:D


LADYBUG. aint that cute?

this was a random pic.
that guy leaning against the door is mdm nuraidah's husband

a smiling face:D


natalie:im gonna make that charcoal burn!


tweeze!


haha im just too cool to be seen;)

me and nat flaunting out unique style


the mermaid(i did the toning of the skin. she looks burnished..)

the man! my hunk for life:)


finishing touch of the mermaid. she looks fairer cos she was repainted again...

tic-tac-toe!


wanna fine this inscriptions?
find it yourself!


haha again the skin is over-tan.
culprit of it: me!


haha. i couldnt resist taking another pic of it!



a blob of chocolate! nah it is brown paint...

chocolate pudding with white icing on it. star shape!

chocolate blob with a fully coloured white star:D


WAH.
im so confused:(:(:( it is happening again yeah??
hahas i think i can handle the pressure. HEISHO.

____i love him so much, my brain is falling out_______